Sunday, May 4, 2014

Love

 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  <3 <3 

                                                                  LOVE:
                                                 Small word. Big meaning. 

     I could write about dating, courting, and all the sappy boyfriend/girlfriend stuff... But I'll save that for another day... 
     The focus point of this little write-up, titled: LOVE? Mom's. In exactly one week, it will be Mother's Day! I am not a mom (except to my fur-babies), but I have a remarkable mother. Although, i'm sure she would blush and possibly deny my saying so ... it's true. 
     I am just like every other human child - full of making mistakes, losing my temper, getting snappy with my parents, and not always honoring them the way the Bible tells us to. 
     But with love comes forgiveness, and my mom is full of both, equally. It is very inspirational and motivational for me to see ... It makes me want to strive to be more like that ... Like her. Because I'm human,  I let things bother me way too much on occasion, and I think about things longer than I should ... Especially what others' say or do.  And after bottling it in for a while, when I need to let it out – I run to my mom. And she's always there to listen ... To help me ... To give smart advice ... To lead me in the right direction ... To pick me up when I fall. And that is just who she is. Selfless, strong, brave, caring, inspiring, smart, funny, silly, creative, giving, and very loving. Nothing inside of me has ever deserved my mom to be so willing to love me. Growing up, hitting the teenage years, I had some awful moments when I was not pleasant to be around – and I knew it – and she would just look at me. Cry a little. Tell me she understood what I was going through. And then, we would have a heart-to-heart, then both cry, hug each other, I would apologize ... and then we'd go watch a cute movie together, and those are the moments when you realize how  m•u•c•h someone means to you. 
    -- They see all of your flaws, and nothing changes their love for you. It is pure, genuine love. The Lord blessed me very much when he made me her daughter. I can not imagine who I would be, had it not been for her influence. She has helped shape me, mold me, guide me to who I am, writing this today. A girl with an overflowing, thankful heart. 
     On top of struggling knee problems, my mom was diagnosed with lupus my sophomore year of high school. It was really a life changing year for her. She had been in pain month after month, and the answers were not coming. Until sitting down with another new doctor, having tests run yet again, and finally having a one-on-one talk with him... and we discovered what was causing the pain. After she was prescribed with medications to help with the pain caused by lupus, relief was on the way. It took approximately eight to nine weeks before the medicine kicked into her system, but when it did... it made a difference. Although there is still a deep pain that will just be there, sadly, the pain is definitely more subtle than it would be without the medicine! Every day has been different. Monday she may get up ... And feel like she could go run a marathon. Tuesday, she might not be able to get out of bed the entire day. Wednesday, she may have all the energy in the world. It is not something you can know beforehand ... Which makes it a tad hard on planning future events, not knowing how her body will feel. 
     But with all of that being said ... With all of the hurt that comes with lupus, (and now, since about one month or so ago... fibromyalgia, too), all of the random visits to the emergency room, or to urgent care, the countless doctor visits, tests run, days in the bed, fingers tingling and feeling numb ... Although there have been many tears shed, and times where the pain seemed endless ... She has always tried to see the positive side. To realize how much worst things could be ... And she still counts her blessings, through the tears. It's quite amazing to witness. 
     Keep on going strong, Momma! I will forever be your supporter through thick and thin, just as you have been to me everyday since I was born. You've always taken great care of me, and now it's my turn to help care for you. Especially on the days you're in pain, not-so-thanks, but thanks to cruel lupus and fibro. Blah.
As I know there will be days in the future that I am unpleasant and grumpy... I hope you know how much I love you, and am not personally upset, or trying to make things harder. There are just days we are weaker than others.
     Nonetheless, I've grown so much in the past few years, especially this year, thanks to your advice. And thanks to your advice, words of wisdom, and encouragement,  I am braver and stronger than I ever thought possible, all because of you.


I love you, Momma. And I hope this will be one of the most memorable, and sweetest Mother's Day's in all history for you... I hope your day is cheery and full of feeling great! 





You deserve it. 



Forever your little girl and admirer,
xoxo,

Brooklyn DeShea

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