Thursday, July 17, 2014

Jesus, Use Me, I'm Yours

I bend my knee
This song my plea
Jesus, use me, I am yours.
My dreams, my plans
My heart, my hands
Jesus, use me, I am yours.

I am desperately wanting
To please you
With all that I am
And I know that you don't need me
But if you want me, I'm yours

My will, my voice
Each word, each choice
Jesus, use me, I am yours.
My blood, my breath,
My life, my death
Jesus, use me, I am yours

I am desperately wanting
To please you
With all that I am
And I know that you don't need me
But if you want me, I'm yours

If you would choose to use me my Savior
In spite of my fears and all of my failures
I'm not much to look at
But whatever I am, I'm yours

I am desperately wanting
To please you
With all that I am
And I know that you don't need me
But if you want me, I'm yours

...because you want me, I'm yours

Artist:  Jason Gray –– Song: "Jesus, Use Me, I'm Yours" 

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my sweetest friends God blessed me with a few years ago. MC. It was a wonderful visit, and it had been two months since we had seen each other. We have never gone that long without seeing each other face to face, and it was such a precious few hours to catch up! 

I met MC several years ago in school ... In fact, I knew her in the 7th grade, but we didn't become super close until the middle of 7th grade and we have been inseparable since then and from 8th grade forward. 

We have had conversations about The Lord in the past, but not raw and deep; mostly surfaced. I was never in this state; I was never clinging to God during those years and I was sinful, and the last thing I wanted to talk about was our walks with God. 
Until yesterday.
 Everything God has been changing me with this summer became very evident and our talk was so raw and real. There is nothing more encouraging than bringing Christ into our friendship and being open about our failures and weakness, and relying on God. And encouraging each other through God.

There were a lot of times over my childhood, that people I was around would just "say the right thing"... Where it seemed everyone around you was speaking the same lingo. Genuinely, everyone saying the same thing.
As if they had a word book for that Church. And it frustrated me so much. It made me feel so upset that everyone kept their failures "hush hush" and no one let anyone see them make a mistake. Everyone made their goodness shown. 
- Don't read this wrong, I think it is fine, and wonderful, to encourage each others' successes ... But we are human. And we make mistakes; every one of us, no matter how much we love The Lord. We can not live perfectly. And I am not a fan for acting and putting up fronts:
I want raw. 
I want real. 
I want struggles. 
I want heartbreak. 
I want clinging to God. 
I want a fellowship with friends of encouragement. 
I want people who have gone through it too, and who lead you to The Lord through the struggles. 
I didn't have that before. For a long time. I always felt that I needed to hold myself a certain way, say what they were saying ..... I couldn't be real. And I was lost. ... 

I have had a lot of rocky times, but I thank God that He put me through them because along the way, it led me here. To who I am today. His Daughter. 
I have grown so much, and had I never been at those churches growing up, it is hard to know who I would be right now; The Lord brought me here. And I am glad to have a God that is so good to His children. God has surrounded me with girls that love Him so passionately;  it is real. raw. encouragement. 

I dedicate a thank you to those in my youth group: the leaders, Thorn, Chris, Will, Haley, Stacy, Amanda, Emily ... And to my precious friends, too: Lilly, Olivia, Haley, Stacy, Amanda. (I know I am forgetting a few names here, but I remember you and thank you, too!)
You have all been such a blessing to me, and I can not imagine having never met. I thank you for all the countless times of loving me and leading me to God, and teaching me things I never knew before ... You each will forever hold a special place in my heart. Love you guys. 

I have never had such a close relationship with God. I have never been changed, the way He is changing me. I have never had the desire to include Him in every conversation, the way I do now. 
I love raw.
I love real.
I love hearing people's struggles to encourage through them, in Jesus.
I love clinging to God. 
I love fellowship with friends full of love for Jesus and full of encouragement.
I love genuine.

Truth is harder than a lie and the darkness seems safer than the light. But I fail, too, and if we both can be honest together, we can grow and strengthen each other with the love of Jesus. 

Nothing is sweeter to me. 

Jesus, use me to love others as You love, to forgive as You forgave me, to encourage others through You. Use me, God.
I am Yours.

Raw and Real,

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