Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Peace Like A River

Wow. Where to even begin... Again.
I see my flaws more every day; my mistakes; my sins. It's a battle. It's a daily battle. No. I am not perfect. I wasn't made to be perfect, thankfully, because I fail all the time. Thankfully, though, my God is perfect, and I do not need to be perfect. He does not ask me to be perfection.
My heart sometimes feels like it's playing tug of war with my emotions: follow The Lord, wait, back up, I want that, okay now follow The Lord ... and then it calls back to myself again. 
I feel weak when I choose myself. I feel down. I feel like I should stop asking The Lord for forgiveness, but that is not what He asks us to do, He asks us to repent and seek Him. 
So I keep repenting and I keep seeking. And God lets me know that He is still listening to my prayers and harking to my calls. 
We fail. We make mistakes and we mess up. We are sinful by our nature; our fallen race. Our fallen world. But God loves us through out mistakes and our flaws. He reaches for us. He protects us. He is our Father.

Last night I layed in bed begging God to hear my prayer:

"God I beg you. God remove my heart, wring it out of all my sin, beat it until I'm pure in Love. God stomp on it and make it new. Show me my sin, and help me change - to be more like You.
God make my new heart and place it inside me. God, shape it and mold it like it's raw hamburger meat: pat it down, form it to your perfection, soften it,  and God... Season it with your Love, with wisdom, and grace, with humbleness and a diligent heart that pleases You.  Make it new and God, make it forever Yours."

I realize I am afraid all the time, things I have no control over. But I laugh and shake my head, because my God, who loves me and protects me, has control over EVERYTHING. And why would I and why should I live fearfully? We are not made to live in fear. We are made to trust God and to love. 
  1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
    When sorrows like sea billows roll;
    Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
    It is well, it is well with my soul.
    • Refrain:
      It is well with my soul,
      It is well, it is well with my soul.
  2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
    Let this blest assurance control,
    That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
    And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
  3. My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
    My sin, not in part but the whole,
    Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
    Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
  4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
    If Jordan above me shall roll,
    No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
    Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
  5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
    The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
    Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
    Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
  6. And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
    The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
    The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
    Even so, it is well with my soul.

God hears us. And He answers us. And that, itself, is more than I deserve.

My sin, not in part, but the whole, is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. 
Praise The Lord! Praise The Lord! Oh, my soul.

Blesséd Hope. Blesséd Rest of my Soul,


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